I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
