Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
