I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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