I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
