He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
