since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
