you guys were way drunker than both of me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
be right there i have to get my cape
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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