you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
