Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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