if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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