Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
