I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
