I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
