Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
