I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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