the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
