i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
