Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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