I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
