so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize