DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
