I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
