Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
