it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
