her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
