bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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