OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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