Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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