dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
