I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
