tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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