so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize