booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
