We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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