Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
