I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
