All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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