Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
