I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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