After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
