What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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