I need help removing her.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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