He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
