I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
