i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
