Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
