So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
