im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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