I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
