I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
