I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
