I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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