ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
