I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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