I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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