if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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