At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
