I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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