So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
