i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
