He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
