I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
